Explicit

I was walking home
Covered by the dark
Around the dome
My heart heavily burdened
I let out a sigh
How I wish I could make it stop
Better yet
Let it consume me
Let the fire burn me
To ashes
Let the winds blow me
To the desserts
And the waters carry me
To the oceans
How I wish
I could let myself explode
Into a million pieces and one
Maybe because I’m odd
Ain’t that what you were told
That my soul is old
And my heart cold
And my smile bold?

But you never see
Beneath the nakedness
Of my skin
Into my wounded being
Yee that hath eyes
But cannot see
You never hear
Beyond the noice
That is my laughter
Into my heart
Full of hate and mallice
Yee that hath ears
But cannot hear
You can never taste
The pain in my
bitter-sweet tears
Nor can you ever
Feel the fire and fury
Hidden in my heart.

When I was young,
I’d hide
And they’d never find,
Seek they would,
See that became my favourite game
Some call me the magician
I could just appear
and disappear
Like a morning boner
I became a snail
Had a little shell
To retract to
When all was going to hell.
I became antisocial
Never born like this,
Growing,
The sound of laughter
Around me melted my ears
Little footsteps of toddlers
Flowered my heart with joy
Like roses to a pavement
But don’t we all grow to be monsters?
Our laughters
Became drowning screams of help
And footsteps became haste
As we try to outrun hell?
All is not well.

But how can I ever
Learn to unlove you
While my heart beats
At the sound of your name
My blood rushes
at the scent of your smell
And my skin bumps
At the touch of your skin
Tell me love
How can I ever erase
How can I ever escape
Some nights I stay up
Crushing from the skies
We painted on
Drowning in the seas
We swam in
Burying myself in the soils
We made love on
Killing myself with every life
You gave me.

I want to hold
the crushing skies
In place
I’m trying to control the raging waters
All the stars are shooting
I hope they ain’t aiming at you
If so,
I’d be your armour.
Hell I’d let them brake me
The sky is all dark
Without you my lark
The night is all gloomy
There is no light
It’s all dark
Without you my spark.
© feddiesharkhy

The Horror of Public Kenyan Hospitals.

As Kenyans and patriots of this wonderful nation we can all agree on one thing; we all don’t like visiting our Public hospitals.

It is never a walk in the park. I once went to a public hospital, hell I got well before i could even see the doctor.

You know thing about Public hospitals, you have to wake up, early in the morning not because the doctor will be there but because you have to wait on the queue for hours upon hours for the doctor to wake, have breakfast, drop his kids off to school then finally make it at work at 10 in the morning. Do not forget you were already waiting since as early as 7 am.To make matters worse one doctor has to see not less than 100 patients on a normal day.

After the long wait, you are finally summoned to see the doctor. You walk into the consultation room only to find an arrogant doctor. He lowers his spectacles a little and looks at you. You start narrating how you feel, he looks down on his phone as you tell the sad story. He then scribbles something you most definitely cannot read on a booklet you handed him and sends you out for some examinations.

You head to the labs hand out your samples grateful that they could perform all the tests required. The wait continues. You wait for an hour or so for your lab results and since they take too long, you decide to go inquire. You meet a nurse and ask, she replies with a mere “just wait.. You will be told when to see the doctor”. The wait continues. And you are lucky if the lights don’t go out as you wait for your results.

One of the nurses calls out your name “Catherine!” You are lucky if you can get to where she is calling you from fast. You are given your little booklet and ask to go to the hospitals pharmacy to get your drug prescriptions. Believe it or not, you will not get the chance to see the doctor again.

You head for the pharmacy and they take their sweet time getting your prescription. You better count yourself lucky if all the drugs are in that hospital.

Finally, your long wait is over. You can now go home and hope you get well soon but there is always that horror, that constant reminder that what happened in KNH could also happen to you. But as i said, you hope to get well soon.

BLEEDING MY HEART

If i should start talking about it
If i should start explaining
If i should start describing
If i should start telling
If i should start writing
If i should start showing
If i should start teaching
If i should start talking about it
I would never stop
I would never say enough

A wise man once said that love is a pretty good reason for everything to go wrong
But then i sit back and wonder, am i wise enough to listen, am i wise enough to trust? Am i wise enough to believe, am i wise to hope that this time it will be different.

If i rip my heart out and gave it to you
If i tore my soul from me
For you,
Are you gonna listen to me?
What is it you really want me to do to prove to you that my heart literally bleeds for you?
I want no fights
Take me to my fantasies
I want no tears
Lets hear our laughs
I want no pain
Sorry, i need non of those
Be my romeo
My Mr Romantic
Be my dark knight
My protector and defender
Be my cupid
Reckless but lovely
Shoot me with your arrows
I wanna fall in love daily
I’m i asking for too much?
I doubt
Because imma be your mama
Imma take care of you
Imma be your lover
Love you unconditionally
Imma love your scars
Your eyes when you asleep
Imma love every single imperfection
Because they make you unique
I’m gonna protect you
I’m gonna make sure your are happier.

So baby,
I want to be treated right
By my Mr right
I don’t mean flowers
And posh dinners
I mean put your phone down
Look at me,
Listen to me
I want you to tell me your worries
I want to you sleep next to me
Lets cuddle
Listen to 90’s music
Lets watch the sun set
Let everyday be an adventure.

Love

If i should start talking about it
If i should start explaining
If i should start describing
If i should start telling
If i should start writing
If i should start showing
If i should start teaching
If i should start talking about it
I would never stop
I would never say enough

A wise man once said that love is a pretty good reason for everything to go wrong
But then i sit back and wonder, am i wise enough to listen, am i wise enough to trust? Am i wise enough to believe, am i wise to hope that this time it will be different.

If i rip my heart out and gave it to you
If i tore my soul from me
For you,
Are you gonna listen to me?
What is it you really want me to do to prove to you that my heart literally bleeds for you?
I want no fights
Take me to my fantasies
I want no tears
Lets hear our laughs
I want no pain
Sorry, i need non of those
Be my romeo
My Mr Romantic
Be my dark knight
My protector and defender
Be my cupid
Reckless but lovely
Shoot me with your arrows
I wanna fall in love daily
I’m i asking for too much?
I doubt
Because imma be your mama
Imma take care of you
Imma be your lover
Love you unconditionally
Imma love your scars
Your eyes when you asleep
Imma love every single imperfection
Because they make you unique
I’m gonna protect you
I’m gonna make sure your are happier.

So baby,
I want to be treated right
By my Mr right
I don’t mean flowers
And posh dinners
I mean put your phone down
Look at me,
Listen to me
Forget the world
Let me be on your mind
I want you to tell me your worries
I want to you sleep next to me
Lets cuddle
Listen to 90’s music
Lets watch the sun set
Let everyday be an adventure.

I WISH

I may want to run away from all this
I may want to forget all that transpired
I may want to go back in time,
Erase that reality from my life
But I’m not a believer of luck
So i may wish
But it wouldn’t come true
You left a scar in me
One that would never heal
“Kidonda ndugu” they call it in Swahili
Hurt i call it
You left a hollow pit in me
Darkness, loneliness, sadness
A pit of insecurities
And madness
I wish i knew
I wish i did differently
Here i go again wishing
I am not a believer of wishes

You were a flower
Blossoming in me
You were a shooting star
Right across my sky
But that was before i fed you poison
That was before i killed my little flower
That was before i sucked all the life out of you
That was before i made you a meteor
That was before i painted you as pure evil.

I keep defending myself
I wanted the best for you,
I had no idea what it was, honestly
And in all the confusion at the time,
Baby, im sorry
Im gonna be sorry for a lot longer
I hope that Someday,
I will find peace
That light will shine in my pit
That i won’t be lonely
That i will feel loved and appreciated
That i will be confident again
That the hurl of madness will come to an end.

I know you are at a much better place
I know you are happier.
I love you.

Worst in me

It’s one of those many dark nights
I talk about over and over
With all the pain and sighs
Not forgetting the tormenting fears
It’s one of those dark nights
I go back and flow my tears
And i take a pen and a paper and create a new flo.

It’s one of those dark nights
I let my demons wonder about
One of those dark nights
I let my blood bleed
Oozing so freely
Onto my willing paper
It’s one of those dark nights
I trod down memory lane
And wish i had done things better.

It’s one of those dark nights
I hear her voice
Oh baby Love don’t torture me
What mamma did was wrong
Mama would have done better
Mama should have done better
Mamma let you down.
Baby Love, please forgive me.

It was a crime of passion
He held me and my blood rushed in my veins
I could feel my pulse escalate
I could feel my urge
Stronger by the second
His lips caressed mine
His hand wandered on my body
Like he was looking at the Eiffel tower
His eyes blinded by the passion
I let myself free
I wanted it, no doubt
I wanted to have something good for myself

Days later the news came in
I had you in me
Eating what i ate
I was losing my figure 8
But i liked it
You are a product of our passion.
Then reality dawned on me
With a rude awakening
I couldn’t have you,
I had to
It was tough,
It was painful
But what hurts the more are the thoughts of what could have been.
So forgive me Baby Love
Coz mama let you down😔.

I should have done better
My conscience is killing me
I should have done better
but time has ran out
Now i sit in the dark nights
My eyes sore from the tears
sing you a lullaby
Go to sleep my baby
Go to sleep my little one
And i hope that someday i will see you
That someday, you will forgive me.

My Valentine

Love me like you do
Touch me like you do
Coz i don’t want an up do
Or an upgrade.
Ladies have been watching the hours tik by
Tik tok
Waiting for the day of love
I ain’t boasting when i say
I’ve been living it every day.

It wasn’t exactly like this before
I’ve had my fair share
Of painful heartbreaks
I thought i wouldn’t outlive
I’ve been through relationships
Dark and sad
Times i wonder why i was ever there
Lessons were learned.
Guess that makes it worth it.

What i have now, i wouldn’t trade
Coz what i have now is so meaningful
See he is the kinda guy that will give you Valentine’s everyday
I ain’t telling no lies
By valentines everyday,
I don’t mean chocolates
Red roses
Red dresses
Posh dinners
No!!
I mean he gives you joy daily
Like he was born just for that sole purpose
I mean he always there
Right there when you need him
He is there to do stupid crazy things with you
Any crazy lady like me would know what I’m talking about.
By Valentine’s everyday,
I don’t mean he tells you he loves you daily
No!!
I mean he shows you he does. everyday!

When i say
Love me like you do
Touch me like you do
I mean it baby
Coz i don’t want an up do
I mean it baby
You are my valentine
I celebrate you today

My Valentine

Love me like you do
Touch me like you do
Coz i don’t want an up do
Or an upgrade.
Ladies have been watching the hours tik by
Tik tok
Waiting for the day of love
I ain’t boasting when i say
I’ve been living it every day.

It wasn’t exactly like this before
I’ve had my fair share
Of painful heartbreaks
I thought i wouldn’t outlive
I’ve been through relationships
Dark and sad
Times i wonder why i was ever there
Lessons were learned.
Guess that makes it worth it.

What i have now, i wouldn’t trade
Coz what i have now is so meaningful
See he is the kinda guy that will give you Valentine’s everyday
I ain’t telling no lies
By valentines everyday,
I don’t mean chocolates
Red roses
Red dresses
Posh dinners
No!!
I mean he gives you joy daily
Like he was born just for that sole purpose
I mean he always there
Right there when you need him
He is there to do stupid crazy things with you
Any crazy lady like me would know what I’m talking about.
By Valentine’s everyday,
I don’t mean he tells you he loves you daily
No!!
I mean he shows you he does. everyday!

When i say
Love me like you do
Touch me like you do
I mean it baby
Coz i don’t want an up do
I mean it baby
You are my valentine
I celebrate you today

Rising

I may not be there yet
You may not believe
You may not see it yet
But im rising
Not to meet the stars
But to surpass them
Im rising
Not to be rich or wealthy
But to be healthy
In mind
And at heart.
Im rising
To be better
Than me yesterday
And me today
Im rising to be better
Everyday.

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